Where To Start?
When we are experiencing low self-esteem, whether it is something new or something that has been with us all our lives, we must know how to get better self-esteem and get back into life as a fully connected and vibrant people.
There are some easy steps to start rebuilding self-esteem and get you going on the right path to becoming confident, productive, and happier. The you that fully engages in life, with people, and lives life to the fullest in a way that is genuinely how you want to live it.
The following chapters will give you the basics of getting on that road, and I will also give you some personally tried links to look at so you can go deeper and truly become the person you want to be.
What I have found to be extremely helpful in getting my mind into a mode of confidence and power is breaking down goals, tasks, chores, whatever it may be in a day, into small, very achievable tasks. I write it down or put on it my phone. It helps to have a section where I can cross it out when done.
I’m not particularly eager to set time limits on them unless it is time-sensitive because as long as you get it done for the day, you feel great, things may come up, and you may not get it done exactly when you thought. Still, you must get it done and crossed off the list.
For example, you wanted to get the lawn mowed and your car washed today. Those are two pretty big chores that will take quite a bit of time each, and if you are anything like me, I can spend hours on my car alone, making sure it is clean inside and out. Rather than putting on my list those two chores, I would have a list something like this:
Wash car steps: * get soap, bucket, and rags ready, * go outside and get hose ready, * get the car all wet and hosed down, * soap and rinse the top of the car, * soap and rinse the left side of the car, * soap and rinse the back of the car, * soap and rinse the right side of the car, * soap and rinse front of the car. Then do the same for cleaning the inside of the car, then do the same for mowing the lawn.
Instead of two big chores to get done and only two ticks off your to-do list, you get the joy of knocking off twenty tasks, and feeling good with each one, knowing it is getting you to the end goal. This is the same idea for all things you need to get done.
If something will take days, weeks, or even months, break it down into bite-size pieces, tick it off one small step at a time, and feel good about each step getting you closer to your goal. This is an easy way to build self-esteem and an excellent way to get things done without feeling overwhelmed.
Self-talk and mind talk are often simultaneously, but I want to break them into two different paragraphs because each deserves its section.
Your mind is always telling you stories, and when it tells you stories, you start to have self-talk. It is often your self-talk that feeds off the mind talk, telling you that you can’t do that, you are not good enough, don’t speak up, they will not like you, etc., etc………… we all have, and we all do it.
Now what is essential about self-talk is that it has the power to interpret the mind talk and feed it to your actions. So if your mind says don’t speak up here and voice your opinion because they will not like it, or it is not important enough for others to hear it, your self-talk can do one of two things. It can listen to it and agree, and you say nothing, and will feel low self-esteem that you had no input, and that whatever happens is about others’ opinions and not what you wanted. Your self-talk can listen to your mind talk, thank it for trying to keep you safe and comfortable, but decide to speak up and give your opinions about what you want or what you want to lend to the conversation.
Knowing that the fear of not speaking up will be far more uncomfortable and lead to more stress in your life than simply saying and doing what you feel is right and asking for what you want, even if you do not get what you want, you still feel great you voiced your opinion. You did all you could, leading to better self-esteem than staying silent because the mind talk told you to do that, and your self-talk listened. Remember, your mind talk is only stories, stories that can be heard but not agreed with by your self-talk.
Now we get into the section that causes so much low self-esteem and keeps us there. Our mind is always talking to us.
From the beginning of human life, it was there to keep us safe, stay away from the Sabre Tooth Tiger it may hurt us, don’t touch that fire, run from that lion, etc. It is there to protect us from harm, but it has developed into a beast, trying to protect us from everything in life, including enjoying life, talking to others, doing what we want, trying new things, etc. So the trick is to listen to that mind talk, and when it is genuinely something we think we need to heed and accept, we do that.
Still, when trying to make up stories, so we do not live our full life, it is time to say,” thank you for trying to protect me, but I want to do this, and it will be ok.” It is those mind talks of “you are not good enough,” your opinion doesn’t matter,” “they won’t like you if you say that,” etc., that break us down and lead us to very low self-esteem.
Hence, we must face our mind talk and decide whether it is truly to protect us or keep us from being our true confident self, which leads to true confident self-esteem. We control how our self-talk will lead to our voice, mind, and body actions.
Through this whole journey of getting your self-esteem back and becoming an authentic, better version of yourself, self-love is vital and very needed.
It is very easy for us to get wrapped up in our minds and be very self-critical and often harder on ourselves than anyone else. Think about that for a second. If we ran into a stranger on the street and they said, “I just screwed up and made a mistake, I am so mad at myself,” you would say something like,” don’t worry, we all make mistakes, that is how we grow and learn, you will do better next time.” We can show a perfect stranger that kind of love, yet to the most important person in our life, ourselves, we show no love and continue to criticize our mistakes and shortcomings.
We need to think of ourselves as someone we love, our child, our mother, our friend, and ask ourselves, how would I talk to this person if they were to tell me the same thing I am going through? Would I keep on them about how dumb it was, keep on them about how they are no good, and how they will never get it right? No, so that is what we must do for ourselves, give ourselves a break, provide ourselves with self-love, knowing we all make mistakes, we all screw up, and we need to learn from it and make it better next time or learn that there is a better way to do it. Then move on, knowing we are better for having learned and will be better the next time we do it. It is easier said than done, but the more you do it, the easier it gets to do it.
Meditation, for me, has been massive in my life. It grounds me, gets me to focus, brings me to the present moment, and saves me from my mind talk.
There are many ways to get started if you have never done it before, and lots of guided meditations all over the internet, books, audio apps, etc. I have found a few excellent ones.
I will add the links near the end if you want to check them out. The cost is nothing to you, but it helps me keep the website running if you do click!
Meditation does a lot of good for you and does a lot of good for your self-esteem. With the right guided meditation, you can get focused and engaged in the present moment of building your self-esteem and replacing old messages from your mind with new positive ones. I highly recommend getting a good guided meditation, and for 15 minutes a day or even twice a day, you will feel so much better, and your self-esteem will grow.
Now we are talking here, and nothing builds self-esteem better than confidence. It drives a lot of forces in our lives, but self-esteem is all about confidence, not arrogance, not fake it till you make it, but genuine and strong confidence that who you are is worthy, is valuable, in what you have to say, and what you are doing.
Now getting to confidence can be a whole book or two to get to, depending on where you are with it, but know that you will need to get it and truly have it for this whole self-esteem journey.
I have lots of good books, audiobooks, e-courses, and websites that can help with that, I have tried all the ones I recommend, and all have helped me.
Confidence was a big one for me to get to, and I know how hard it can be for some people. I was one of them. Know that if I can do it, you can do it too. It is not something you either have or don’t have; you’re either born with it or not. It is something that very much can be learned and developed, so please, if that is where you struggle with self-esteem, go deeper into the links I provide. They are personally tested and personally approved to help.
This article is just scratching the surface and will give you some tools to start looking in the right direction. Suppose you choose to dig further into getting your self-esteem back. In that case, I have many very good, tried and true tools to help with the links below, but even if you start with the things we have talked about here, you will at least get a good idea of what to do next and what a better you can be and how easy it is to start, and how it can be a very cleansing journey.
Where the journey itself will begin to fill you with self-esteem. The more you feel it, the more you want to get deeper into it. You will know how important it is to live a fully connected, engaged, confident life that will fill you with joy, happiness, and self-esteem. I wish you the best of luck in this journey, and please feel free to start it with even just one click of a link that you feel speaks to you!
My review of an online therapy website that can support your journey: Online-Therapy.com.
My review of the Self-Therapy Journey website: Self Therapy Journey.
My review of the Self-Love Workbook: Self-Love Workbook.
Website: My website
Email: Email Eric